There’s no question, we live in a youth culture.  We idolize the young.  Once upon a time, our celebrity

heroes were considerably older than they are now.  Today, we look at teens and young adults as the ideal.  Then, not suprisingly, many of them collapse under the pressure.  Britney, Lindsay, Mary Kate and Ashley, and so many more so prominent they don’t even need last names.  On the other side, the older stars (and older regular folk) are subjecting themselves to repeated surgeries and injections in order to “look young”  (which of course actually succeeds in making them look weird).

Recently I heard an interview with Kathleen Turner.   At 58, Kathleen may not be as promient as she was in the Romancing the Stone (1984) and Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) days, but she is still active and acting.  During the interview she was asked about getting older in Hollywood and she replied, “It’s foolish to try to turn back the clock and I don’t want to.”

I agree!  Often groups of people will get into conversations that lead to questions like “If you could go back to any age, what would it be?”  I always say, “I wouldn’t.”  I love where I am.   I have made mistakes.  I’ve had difficult times.  I’ve had great times.  And there is so much more ahead.

Most people will say they would go back to their teens or twenties.  Personally, I wouldn’t go back then for any amount of money!  I look better now.  I’m more confident now.  I know what I want now.  I think, for most of us, if we really thought about it, those years weren’t nearly as great as what we have and can create now.  Except maybe the energy level.  *wink*

Kathleen also made the comment, “I’m so much more interesting now.”  I agree, in general, older people are more interesting.  We’ve had more experience, we’ve developed our opinions and confidence.  I know I’m waaaaaaaaaaaaay more interesting than I was 20 years ago.

Of course there are interesting, confident young people and ones who are living an incredible life and know what they want.  And, in 20, 30, 40 years from now they’ll be even moreso.

There is no point in pining for what was.  As long as you’re growing and experiencing life, it can only get better.  So go out and live! 

• Play
• Try new things
• Take risks
• Learn
• Laugh
• And tell yourself positive things when you look in the mirror.

It only gets better.  Keep living!

Hugs, Christie

www.thebadkitty.com

Never has the pressure to be “perfect” been stronger than it is now.  Everywhere we look there are ads and other pressures for us to “improve’ the way we look which, miraculously, will improve how we feel about ourselves.  Ask anyone who’s addicted to plastic surgery how well that theory plays out in real life.

Recently there was a story about Patricia Krentcil who is accused of taking her 5 year old daughter to a tanning bed.  Take a look at her.  She’s obviously addicted.  The story has gotten so much attention that she’s been banned from all tanning salons in her area.  Thank goodness.  For her sake as much as her child’s!

Here in the west we’re obsessed with being darker.  In the East it’s the opposite.  They want to be lighter.  In the Bollywood industry the lighter skinned you are, the more likely you are to get a leading role.  This has led to the popularity of skin lightening creams.

Now it’s gone a step too far – vagina lightening creams!

SAY WHAAAA???!!!!

Yes, my friends, the need to be something other than we are not has gotten down to our naughty bits.  Make the skin lighter, your labia smaller, whatever it takes to look more “normal”.  Ummm, how many of you have seen all your friends’ genitalia?  Who’s to say what’s “normal” or “attractive”?

Like every other part of our bodies, we are all attracted to different things.  The drive to make us all the same makes me ca-raaazy!

I’ve ranted before about how we have the right to look like and be who we are.  We are all so amazing in our differences. We are all created perfect as we are.  And everywhere we look we are told we need to change.  It’s so hard to fight when the messages inundate us in hundreds of ways every day.

I’m not against self “improvement”.  I only wear colors and styles that I know flatter me.  I choose my hair color and cut so that it shows my face in it’s best light.  I have piercings because I enjoy the look and feel of them.  I accessorize because I love bling.  I seek to be my best self by taking classes, reading and getting feedback.  The difference is, I do it by choice.  I don’t do it out of shoulds, obligations, outside pressures, to be better liked, to fit in, to modify myself according to the standards of others.

It’s a fine line.  Only you know if you are choosing to make changes from a strong sense of self and wanting to express that sense of self more effectively or if you are being manipulated into changing by outer forces and expectations.

Ask yourself these questions to get clear on why you are seeking change:

• Am I doing this so that someone else (fill in their name or role in your life) will accept me?
• Am I doing this so that I will look more like the people I’m told are beautiful?
• Am I doing this because it will help me express myself more effectively?
• Am I doing this so I will fit in with the crowd I want to be part of?
• Am I doing this because I want to or because I feel like I have to?
• Am I doing this out of a habit or addiction or by choice?

I’m not here to tell you to tan or not to tan, to lighten or not to lighten.  What I’m here to say is do it because you choose out of a place of strength and a sense of self.  When there is a sense of “this will make my life better, this will make me happier” chances are it won’t.  You take yourself with you wherever you go, even to the tanning salon or spa.  And when you leave, you are still you whether your skin is lighter or darker and whether your private bits are the same color and size or not.

Love yourself first, the rest will follow.

Hugs, Christie

www.thebadkitty.com

 

Two shows this week inspired me; Glee (once again) and Canada’s Got Talent.  On Glee’s Choke the ever amazing and tank-like Coach Beiste revealed that she had been beaten by her husband.  On Canada’s Got Talent, Enigma Dance was performing in the semi-finals.  I was reminded of their audition dance to Sarah MacLachlan’s Stupid about domestic abuse.

The Glee episode especially shows how the abused make excuses for their partner, blame themselves and suffer from extremely low opinions of themselves and abject fear.  When Coach Beiste reveals that she’s afraid of leaving because no one else will ever love her, my heart ripped apart.  I remember that feeling.  I’ve never, thankfully, been physically abused, but I did stay in bad relationships because I thought that was the best I would ever have and didn’t want to be alone.

I use the term “martyr complex” in my workshops and book.  The martyr is someone who puts everyone else first.  Martyr may not seem like a good term for someone who is abused and when you look at it more closely, the symptoms of abuse are the supreme outcome of letting others run your life and not standing up for what you need.  I’m hesitatant to use the same terminology because the word “martyr” can conjur up images of saints and heros that gave their lives for the greater good rather than those who are being downtrodden by a family member or other bully.  For lack of a better term at this time, I’ll stick with what I have.

Martyr Complex symptoms:

• put the needs of others first
• make excuses for not taking time for self
• make excuses for the behavior of others
• feel stressed and overwhelmed
• put up with hurtful behavior from others

Sound like anyone you know or maybe even yourself?  Fighting the Martyr Complex is hard enough in every day life.  There are so many expectations of us from our partners, our kids, our work and everyone else around us that it can be a major challenge to look after ourselves with the same care and attention as we give to others.  With domestic abuse, multiply that by about a trillion and a half.

I have no quick or easy answers to dealing with abuse.  No matter where it comes from or in what form, abuse really messes with our psyche.

If you’re in it, be patient with yourself.  You wouldn’t have gotten this far into this post unless you want to get out. It does take time and energy and it is unlikely to happen overnight.

• find someone to talk to – get support
• start taking the steps you need to break away – find a place to live, save money on the sly – whatever it takes
• start doing things that make you feel strong and feeds your soul
• get used to standing up for yourself – speak your mind with people other than your abuser to get practice
• journal your feelings and what you want – get clear on who you are, what you need and how to get there

If you know someone who is being abused, they need you.  Whether it’s someone being bullied at work, getting emotionally abused by a family member, suffering physical or sexual abuse from any source, it’s up to you to let them know you’re there.

• be patient – know that it will take time and persistence to get them to confide in you
• if they come to you, listen and don’t try to solve anything
• be a sounding board and let them know that you are willing to help them find solutions
• often the abused think no one else sees it, your acknowledgement of it will help them come out of hiding
• be persistent – in your patience, you also need to keep at it, even when they resist – let the person know that you are fighting for them, even when they won’t fight for themselves

The journey may take time.  It will be rocky.  It may seem impossible.  It isn’t.  Take inspiration from the hundreds of thousands who have gone before you.  Take on their courage and move forward.  One little step at a time will get out out the door and into the light.  We are here to give you a hand up the hill.  Your responsibility is to take the first step.

You can do it, baby.  You deserve it.  Start now.

Big hugs,

Christie

www.thebadkitty.com

 

We hear it all the time – don’t judge!  Don’t judge me.  Don’t judge lest ye be judged.  Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.

This leads to those who claim to be somehow “above” judging.  I never judge.  Or how about this one, I don’t judge but….

It’s a fact of the universe that the more we concentrate on NOT doing something, the more it will show up in our lives.  What we focus on expands.  Another fact of the universe is that it is blind to negative words “don’t, won’t, can’t” so if you say to yourself “I don’t judge” the universe hears “I judge” and will manifest more opportunities to do just that.

It’s also a fact of psychology that we are judgement machines.  It is a built in defense mechanism.  We actually NEED to judge in order to survive.  We need to judge the temperature so we know whether to put on more clothes or get in the shade so we keep our body temperature at a healthy level.  We need to judge whether or not we need nutrition so we know when to eat.  We need to judge whether or not we are in danger so we know whether to flee or fight.

Since our brains are hard wired to judge, it naturally flows into our personal life.  We judge whether or not we want to be someone’s friend or lover.  We judge what clothes we like on our bodies and others.  We judge what foods we love and could do without.  We judge what sort of emotions are being demonstrated by others.  We are judgement machines.

I’m always listening and watching; my ear is like a boom mike. And judging, frankly. Constantly judging. ~Kathy Griffin

When it comes to judging those around us, the secret is not to say “don’t judge”, the secret is to realize you judge and check in to see if your judgement is accurate or not.

We are not only judgement machines, we are also must be right machines.  Usually when making judgements of others we simply assume that we’re right.  Psychologicallywe will find justifications for what we have already judged.

Whether born from experience or inherent physiological or cultural differences our gender and national origins may and will make a difference in our judging. ~Sonia Sotomayor

Think about it, how often have you made a judgement about someone or a situation you found yourself in and held to that opinion even after evidence came to light to the contrary?  It’s difficult to change our minds once we’ve made it up.

For example, CBC has a quiz you can take to determine which political party your values are most in line with so you can better determine who to vote for called Vote Compass.  I’ve voted NDP for as long as I can remember.  I have judged that they are the best fit for me despite the fact that I’m not very political.  During the last provincial election I took the test and to my surprise, NDP was 3rd out of the 4 parties for me .  I dismissed it by thinking I rushed through the test or that it was simply a bunch of hooey.  I was unwilling to look at any other possibility.  When I took it again recently, the same results appeared.  Much as I don’t like it, if I want to be in line with the truth, I will have to revisit my previous assumption/judgement.  I don’t like it, we never like having to look at the truth, and the facts are the facts no matter how I feel about letting go of my previous assumption.

When judging others – as we will naturally do – we often make assumptions based on limited information and we will hold to it as truth.

I am shy – yes, really, I am.  In the past when I was less sure of myself, I was even more shy and reserved.  I also have a face which, unless I concentrate on making it otherwise, looks angry.  I have had so many people say to me over the years, “I always thought you were mean/aloof/unapproachable but now that I know you, I can see that that’s not the case at all.”

Once, at work, a co-worker said to me, “you’re in a bad mood today.”  We hadn’t had any communication at all, she was basing it on my expression.  I got extremely annoyed and said back to her, “nothing puts me in a bad mood faster than someone telling me I’m in a bad mood.”

She wasn’t trying to be mean, she was simply expressing what she saw.  I took it badly.  The good thing is that she was, in her way, finding out what the truth actually was rather than walking around with the thought in her head with no evidence other than her judgement.

The key to jugement is always checking in.  How often have you checked the weather and it said it was 10 degrees out, but when you walked out the door there was a nasty north wind that sent a chill through you and you had to go back in for a warmer coat?  How often have you thought someone hated you when in fact they just didn’t know how to talk to you?  How many times have you thought someone did something with a motive you thought to be true but later found out was something completely different?

The key to judgement is to realize that it not good or bad, right or wrong.  Realize, instead that it just is.  What you do with it can be good or bad, right or wrong.  If you act on a judgement without determining if your impression is correct, you could easily end up acting on an erroneous assumption which could lead to hurt, anger, broken relationships.

For example:

• If you think someone is angry with you – ask them.  It may have nothing to do with you or your bringing it up will lead to a much needed clearning of the air.
• If you think someone is gossiping about you – find out from the source.  Isn’t that better than gossiping about the gossip?
• If you are making assumptions about someone’s motives – have a chat.  What our motives would be are often not the same as someone else’s.
• If you feel like someone has treated you badly – ask them about it.  It may turn out that there was no conscious malice at all.
• If you have something good to tell someone – do it.  Positive judgements exist too!

Face it, we judge.  Trying to stop ourselves from something we do so naturally can only lead to disappointment with ourselves.  Accept that you judge and then act on FACTS rather than ASSUMPTIONS/IMPRESSIONS/JUDGEMENTS.  Be clear with others and allow others to be clear with you.  Wouldn’t it be great if we all treated each other from truth rather than what our own past, standards and experiences cause us to think?

Be gentle with yourself and others.  We all deserve it.

Hugs, Christie

www.thebadkitty.com

 

When things aren’t going as well as we’d like or according to plan, what is generally our first inclination?  To find blame.  It was my upbringing.  If only I had gotten that job/contract/relationship.  My spouse is holding me back.  I’ve got to take care of my kids.  No one understands me.  If only someone would give me a break.  I don’t know what to do next – no one will give me the right advice.

I have bad news for us all: We are our own worst enemies.

You are as amazing as you let yourself be.  Let me repeat that.  You are as amazing as you let yourself be. ~Elizabeth Alraune

The only person or circumstance that can stop you, is you.  Let me rephrase that – the only one who can stop me is me.  I’ve stopped myself many times in my life.  Sometimes many times in one day!

On Canada’s Got Talent this weekend, I watched contestant Roger LeBlanc perform the St.Crispin’s Day speech from Henry V.  I recalled doing this speech at an event.  I was told by the audience that they would follow me anywhere because of the passion I evoked.  At another event I did Martin Luther King’s I Have a Dream speech and was told how inspiring I was and how, with that passion and commitment, I could do anything and take others with me on the journey.

As I thought back to those moments, I thought back over the last few years since I started The Bad Kitty.  I thought of all the times I’ve sat thinking about what I should be doing, what I could be doing and what I wasn’t doing.  I thought about the lunch I had recently where my companion told me that, from the outside, I have all the right pieces in place and how my brain said back, then why aren’t things going like I want?

The fact is, sometimes, even with all the teaching I do on being you in a big way, I still sometimes hold myself back.  What I could do is exciting and scarey at the same time.  If I could really inspire like Henry or Martin, what kind of responsibility would that carry?  That is one scary thought.

So, in this moment and every other moment, I am as amazing as I let myself be.  Just like you.

Do you want to be as amazing as you want to and are meant to be?

• Where do you hold back in your speech?  When do you not speak up for fear of being ridiculed or rejected?
• Where do you hold back in your actions?  When do you play small when you want to play big?
• When do you pretend things are OK when they aren’t?
• When do you settle for less than you want and know you deserve?
• How often do you tell yourself, things are going to change, I’m going to do something new/different that will move me forward and then you don’t?

These behaviors stop us all from being as amazing as we can be because we are only let ourselves go a certain distance and then stop.

I say STOP IT!  I’m saying it to me as much as I am to anyone reading this.  The time is NOW!  There is no time like the present to turn off whatever is distracting you and get moving.

It may be your brain telling you you can’t, shouldn’t or is filling you with fear.  Turn it off with “Thank you for sharing, I’m up to something else.”

It may be a habit like watching too much TV, checking your emails 30 times a day or sleeping in until noon.  Change the habit one day at a time, making decisions in every moment that this is not serving you and to do something else.

It may a person.  If they are negative and bringing you down, either get away from them or limit your contact with them.  If it’s a family member you can’t get away from, be very clear about what you’re up to and ask them to either support you or shut up.

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy (or kitty) who’ll decide where to go. ~Dr. Seuss

I’m up for a little change and to be as amazing as I let myself be – and to let myself be even more amazing.  How about you?

Hugs, Christie

www.thebadkitty.com

I just finished listening to an interview on CBC with Dr.Ruth Westheimer, the famous and adorable old lady of sex.  She was talking about her new book Sexually Speaking: What Every Woman Needs to Know About Sexual Health.

Two things she said stuck with me.  First, she still gets embarressed talking about sex.  Who would’ve thought that a woman whose main occupation for decades has been talking about “down there” in direct terms would still get a little redness creeping into her cheeks.  It just goes to show how taboo such topics are for our society.  What I take from that is that even if it may be a little cringe inducing, it still needs to be discussed.  Wheter it’s with your kids, your friends or your partner, keep the lines of communication open.

The second piece that stuck out for me ties in with that first lesson – “Women are responsible for their own sexual satisfaction.”  We may know this deep down even if we haven’t identified it.  Some of us are still looking around for the magic potion, the man with the right skills, the right toy or the perfect scenario to make sex be perfect for us – finally.  All of these things may help, but in the end, you have to know what you want, need, like and what works for you then own it and communicate it.

This last part is actually the hardest part.  Especially if you’ve been in a relationship for awhile.  At the beginning of a relationship it’s often easier to say “I like this, don’t like that” as there is nothing to lose as yet.  There are no expectations or habits built up.  Once we’ve gotten to know someone and developed a “routine” it can be more difficult to speak up.  What if their feelings get hurt?

Whether you’re in a new or established relationship, the fact is, you are responsible for your own satisfaction.  This is as true with sex as it is with all parts of your life.  When you start to close your mouth for fear of hurting someone else, being misunderstood or fear of bringing a relationship to an end, you are doing yourself a disservice which will only lead to you feeling more and more dissatisfied.

This shows up in  a number of ways:

• feeling like you’re walking on egg shells – being extra careful in your communications
• feeling more and more overlooked and misunderstood
• not bringing up even small hurts or issues for fear of the floodgates opening
• suffering in silence
• making excuses that everything is “fine”when you know it’s not
  

  Cats know how to ask for what they want.

This is not a fun way to live.  It doesn’t serve any one in the grander scheme of things.  So be responsible for your own orgasm, your own happiness, your own needs.

Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. ~Joseph Wood Krutch

• bring up things that are bothering you immediately.  The longer you wait the harder it gets.
• understand that your needs are as important as everyone else’s
• ask for what you need calmly and without blame
• compromise only in the sense that both people get what they need, not in a way that causes you to give in and feel unheard
• be prepared to do what it takes to be happy – you are the only one who can make it happen

Know yourself, be yourself, ask for what you need in and out of the bedroom.

At the end of the interview Jian said that he’d love to meet Dr.Ruth in person sometime.  She told him to come out to New York and she’d buy him dinner.  She knows how to get what she wants and give to others as well.  There’s the key.  When you get what you want, others can get what they want and everyone has a great dinner in New York.  Just make sure you invite me as well.

A final thought: Talking from morning to night about sex has helped my skiing, because I talk about movement, about looking good, about taking risks. ~ Dr. Ruth

Hugs, Christie

www.thebadkitty.com

Laughter is the best medicine.  It’s a well known saying becuase, well, it’s true.  Nothing breaks tension, changes mood or lightens an atmosphere like laughter.   Laughter is a sign of having fun, of enjoying life, of finding something odd in a rib tickling way.

Comedians make their living through laughter.  Speakers inject jokes to create a state change in a quiet or somber room.  Children break into laughter at the smallest thing that we might ignore and bring us along for the ride.

Speaking of children, here are two of my favorite child videos from youtube.

Child Ripping Paper and Laughing.

Top 10 Funny Baby Videos.

Life would be so dull without laughter.  A smile, while it may brighten a room, doesn’t have quite as strong a transformative effect as laughter.  It’s good for your mood, good for your abs, good for your blood pressure, just plain good!

The other day I was in rehearsal for a show I’m doing at the end of April.  There comes a time in the rehearsal process with any show that things start to become a little tense.  Even though we are doing a comedy farce – which we laugh at every day – and we all get along well, on Sunday the rehearsal started off with some tension.  Our director noticed this and asked us to circle up.  We took a communal deep breath then he instructed us to smile then laugh.  In moments the tension, wherever it was coming from, disappeared and we had our usual fun and goofy rehearsal.

Laughter can change the world!  Or at least your world.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.   ~Charlie Chaplin

To help change your world, try the following ways to laugh every day:

• Hang outwith someone who makes you laugh until you snort or milk comes out your nose!   Close friends contribute to our personal growth. They also contribute to our personal pleasure, making the music sound sweeter, the wine taste richer, the laughter ring louder because they are there. ~Judith Viorst
• Watch youtube videos.  Cat/pet and child ones are usually guaranteed to get a giggle or more.
• Watch your favorite comedy movie or show.  If you can watch it with someone who has a habit of laughing out loud, do it!
• Go to a funny play (hint, hint!).
• Play a game for the purpose of fun rather than competition.
• Run around like a kid.  Don’t worry about your “form” like Pheobe on Friends.
• Eat funny food like spaghetti and make a big mess while you laugh at yourself.
• Give yourself a break, when you make a mistake, rather than giving yourself a hard time, laugh!

Feel the joy of laughter every day.  You deserve it.  Enjoy!

Hugs, Christie

www.thebadkitty.com

 

 

One of my favorite times of year is here once again – Spring!  Spring is such a sensual time of year.   Everything wakes up after winter from the grass, trees and flowers to people’s mood and libido.

The naked earth is warm with Spring,
And with green grass and bursting trees
Leans to the sun’s kiss glorying,
And quivers in the sunny breeze.
~Julian Grenfell

Remember when you were a kid and you’d go out and play in the puddles?  You’d relish in the chance to unbutton your coat.  You’d get to the playground to use the swings and slide that you had to stay away from for months.  You’d find new bird’s nests, look for signs of life all around you.  Spring was new beginning, new play opportunities, warmth after months of cold.

As adults, we’ve forgotten the joy of spring.  Now it’s just more work.  Cleaning up the yard.  Dealing with flooding garages or sheds.  Moving snow around in the yard so the piles in the shadey side by the fence go away more quickly.  Spring cleaning the house.  It never seems to end.

If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall.  ~Nadine Stair

I challenge you this year to revisit some of your childhood attitudes toward spring.  Awaken your senses and feel springy in your body and attitude this spring.

• When you hear a bird, take a moment to listen to it’s song.
• As you walk out the door in the morning, take a moment to see how the air smells differently each day.
• The visual world changes daily this time of year.  Take a moment to see how far the snow has receded, whether or not there is any green in your lawn, garden or trees. 
• Enjoy the change in weather.  It’s great to put away the heavy coat.  Allow the warmer weather to wash over you rather than rushing from place to place.  Feel the warmth on your skin.
• Most of all, take time to play!  Go to the local playground and get on the swings.  Make snow moving or spring cleaning a game.  Anything can be fun with right attitude.

Spring is nature’s way of saying, “Let’s party!”  ~Robin Williams

Spring is such a perfect time to awaken your senses and your sensuality.  Take the time to give yourself the gift of enjoyment of the season.  It doesn’t take much.  When you take these little bits of me time, you will feel the power of spring to uplift your mood, your motivation, your joy of life.  It will make you feel bubbly!  Hey, now there’s a fun way to play for you – blow some bubbles!

Happy Springy – ing!

Hugs, Christie

www.thebadkitty.com

 

My friend, Andrea Geitz author/creator of  The Moving Hearts Guide to Real Relating, sent me a message yesterday.  She let me know that my recent posts about loving yourself reminded her of a poem she had written.  I have her permission to share it with you here.

Lonely Woman

See the lonely woman
in her lonely little room
weaving herself a threadbare cloak
on an invisible loom.

For thread she uses the thin grey rain
that spreads itself across the pain.
All grey the thoughts are in her mind,
all twisted and tangled
she’s hoping to find
something she’s forgotten
something she should know
an end
a beginning
it’s almost as though
she looks for a needle
to sew up the seams
of tattered old fragments
of discarded dreams.

See the lonely woman
alone upon the shelf.
She could not love another
for she did not love
herself.

What a powerful image.  I can see this woman in her tower wondering what happened.  Why did her youthful dreams not work out?  What were those dreams, anyway?  Like many, she can’t even remember what they may have been – she may not even remember even having any dreams.   Her life is a yawning cavern waiting for something to fill it.  She toils away trying to fill the void, but it’s useless because it’s all without substance.

I also imagine a hoard of people milling outside her room.  These are all the people who she didn’t connect with even though they were there.  All the people who were in her life for a short time that drifted away.  The ones who were in her life for quite a long time, and maybe still are to some extent, but she can’t see or feel their presence because her void is so deep and wide.  They are all reaching out to touch her, to be with her, to love her.  If only the walls of her room – her psyche – weren’t so thick.

When you feel lost and alone, it’s time to look at your life.

• Are you pushing people away?  When you don’t love yourself, as much as we want others to love you, you will find ways to make them go away.
• Do you feel lonely even when you’re with those you love?  No matter how much you may love others or they may love you, if you don’t have self love, it will never feel like enough.
• Do you have a hard time remembering your dreams?  If you don’t honor and feed who you are and what you want, those desires and dreams will die of starvation.
• Do you find you always feel dissatisfied?  No one else can fill the void left by lack of self love.  No matter what you do to fill the void, it will always be empty until you learn to love yourself.
• Do you find you choose to have people in your life that cause you stress?  Lack of self love can manifest as self loathing.  This condition will lead you to make bad decisions.  You will choose people who might abuse you in some way.  The “abuse” can be anything from taking advantage of you to physical damage.  You will put yourself in situations that make you miserable.  You will consciously or unconsciously cause yourself mental and physical pain.

So, let’s review some of the ways you can get out of your lonely room.  Each suggestion has a link to previous post with more information.

• Tell yourself every day in the mirror “I love you” until you believe it.
• Accept compliments graciously.
• Make a list of selfish goals.
• Be present, enjoy your senses.
• Learn how to say NO.
• Do something every day that makes you say, “Wow, I did it!  I rock!”

Love is the great miracle cure.  Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives.  ~Louise Hay

Get out and play, kitties.  It’s time to swing the door open, learn to love yourself and fill the void.  You can’t do that locked up alone in your own sadness.  If you need help on your journey, the Grand Puma Membership is here to serve you!

Hugs, Christie

www.thebadkitty.com

Glee has done it again.  In last week’s episode, On My Way, as David Karofsky laid out his suit on his bed and tested the strength of  his belt while Blaine sang Cough Syrup in the background, I bawled.  The character who bullied Kurt for his overt gay self to cover up his own sexual orientation had been found out.  To him, suicide seemed the only option.  Thankfully he didn’t succeed.

It made me think about all the times I felt alone and misunderstood and how much easier it would have been to cash it on or, at the very least, hide myself away so no one would laugh.  With today’s social media, it’s that much harder.  If someone wants to spread something hurtful – true or not – it will spread like wildfire.

Authenticity is hard in any situation.  When faced with bullying, it’s that much harder.

When I was young, I was virtually invisible and it still scared me to death to be seen for who I was.    I was a church girl and got some flack for that, but not a lot.  Most of my persecution was self inflicted.   I kept quiet out of fear rather than persecution.

Whatever the reason, hiding who we are is difficult.  You never can be fully relaxed.  You have to try to figure out what is acceptable in each new situation.  You feel like no one truly understands you, and how can they when you aren’t completely honest.   In the end, it’s exhausting.

Some of us overcompensate to hide what we are afraid of that others will find out, like Karofsky’s bullying.  Sometimes we hide so well, we become invisible, like I used to be.  Others seem fully functional and normal.  All of us who are hiding are hurting and searching.

Often the fear of how others will react is enough keep us hiding.  What if they act hurtfully?  What if they try to destroy me?  What if they turn their back?  What if they make fun?  What if….

These fears can be huge in our heads.  For many of us those fears are never as big in reality as they are in our imagination.  For others they may be, like Dave in the locker room.  But no matter how big or small the reaction to you “coming out” as yourself, there is always someone who loves you and accepts you as Kurt did David.

Life as yourself can sometimes be hard.  There will always be someone who wants you to be different or makes fun of who you are.  The key is to look for those who do love and accept you.  To look into the future and hold onto the vision of what you want and move toward that glorious day.

Did you ever notice that even when you’re pretending to be someone else, there are those who don’t accept you?  Doesn’t it make more sense to be you and let the haters go their own way?  They don’t deserve your attention anyway.  You are bigger and more glorious than the small minds who want to keep you stuck.

Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

If you have trouble being you, know it does get better.  The It Gets Better Project was created to tell young LGBT people to hang in there.  The message is great for anyone.  No matter how hard things are today, it does get better if you hold onto your truth, your uniqueness and your love of who you are and what you want.

Keep going, kitties.  You deserve it.  The world needs the real you.

Hugs, Chrsitie

www.thebadkitty.com