I sat down to write today and the two great ideas I had for the blog had gone completely out of my head.  ARGH!  Not again!  I swear my memory is getting worse and worse.  Thankfully I’m not the only one with that problem, but as one gets older, it feels more ominous.

When I was younger I would walk from one part of the house to another and completely forget what it was that I was going there for.  That still happens, only much more often and it takes longer to remember what it was.  Sometimes it doesn’t come back at all.

I used to be the one who could pick a word out of the air when someone else was having trouble finishing a sentence.  Now I find myself several times a day digging into my brain to find the elusive word to express what I want to say.

I was never very good at remembering names so that’s not as disturbing.   Actually I’m getting better at it.  It’s remarkable what a little bit of effort will do for you.

Now I’m sitting here trying to remember the name of a comedian I just heard on the radio (I wasn’t listening all that closely so I have an excuse) who said something funny about Alzheimer and, to drive the point home, repeated it.  Wouldn’t it be nice if I could remember it so I could share it with you?

That’s probably the most frustrating part.  Forgetting the good things.  If only we had more selective memory where the bad, scary, sad, earth shattering (in a nasty way) things would fade.  Instead, it seems like they stick and the good things fade.

I always encourage people to remember the good.  We are so good at dwelling on the bad which is why it sticks in the brain.  I like to keep a little notebook beside my bed to record something positive from the day.  A success, a compliment, a fear overcome, a kind word given or received – anything good that happened during that day – and more than one is even better!  That way you can end the day on a positive note.  And if you forget, you can always go back and revisit the good things in your life!

If you are genuinely concerned about memory loss, check this out.

My man and I were talking about it the other day.  Even though he is younger than I, it’s still a concern.  The easiest thing any of us can do is keep the mind active.  Play memory games like brainage, drive different routes to familiar places.  Take a class.  Do something that challenges you.  Not only will it keep your brain engaged, you may also make some cool discoveries and meet some great people.

And hopefully you’ll remember their names!

Hugs, Christie

I decided a long time ago not to have children. A lot of factors have played into this: time and finances being the most obvious. I didn’t even get a driver’s license until I was 28 because I didn’t have money for a car, how could I possibly afford a kid? Then life started to happen and I didn’t want to get tied down. Kids take a lot of time and energy and I already didn’t seem to have enough of either.

I never really liked babies. Every one else seems to gush over newborns. I’m not all that interested in a child until they start to communicate. That’s probably why my biological clock didn’t start to bong loudly as I got older. I didn’t feel the baby pull.

My mom has said to me many times, “how is it that my daughter who is so good with children never had any of her own?” Being good with kids was never a concern. They LOVE me and I love them. Little babies love me even though I’m indifferent. There is something about my energy that makes them relax and very often if they’re fussy I can put them to sleep when no one else can. I love to play with children and let them guide the play. I don’t try to grown up-ize anything. That’s probably why they like me so much.

Every once in awhile I hear a story that makes me almost wish I had children. One is the Small Person Acquisition Project.  This CBC documentary follows two men (one a trans woman) who decide to have a child.  J (the trans) carries the child and, despite plans for a vaginal delivery, delivers via c-section due to complications.

Listening to this documentary I couldn’t help but feel touched.  The birth of a new life whether bird or human is a miracle and even in my non-fawning-over-infants-ness I am still moved by it.  What puts this above other birth stories are the struggles Jay and Bear had to endure and overcome.  From the midwife company who wouldn’t even talk to them at first to getting permission to cross out mother and replace it with father on the birth certificate, their experience was unique and fraught.

It’s stories like this which inspire me.  Not to have my own kids (although, who knows, I may someday adopt) as much as to have faith in humanity and our ability to change, grow and love.

One of the main reasons I haven’t had my own children is that I’m afraid.  I’m afraid of doing something that will damage their beautiful soul.  I’m afraid of saying something that will make them pretend to be someone they’re not for fear of criticism.  I’m afraid of watching them change from the open, honest, real person they are born as to the closed, fearful person most of us become as we grow.  Thankfully many of us get back to our original state, but the interim can be long and confusing.

J and Bear show that there are beautiful, open hearted and loving souls all over who believe in the power of the individual and their right to be just that.  That gives me faith in our future more than the birth of a new generation.  My prayer is that every generation becomes more accepting, loving and real.  This is what will save us all in the end.  Science and progress can only do so much.  It’s the beautiful souls loving each other that make life worth living.

What will you do to show your beauty and love to the world?

Hugs,

Christie

Be Beautiful, Be YOU!

www.thebadkitty.com

Dance is a powerful force.  If there was any doubt about it, the documentary I saw the other day, War Dance, puts it to rest.   The story is based in Northern Uganda, which is a war zone.  It follows 3 children (13,13 and 14) who are about to go to Kampala (the capital) for a dance competition.

Been there, seen it.  No, wait, you haven’t.  These kids have been, literally, through hell and are still living it.  From being orphaned, to mom being forced to bury dad’s hacked up body in the fields with her own hands and forced to hide in the bush for weeks in fear waiting for mom to return, to being abducted by the rebels and forced to kill – these kids are not ordinary or suffering through “normal” childhood trauma.  On top of it all they are now living in a refugee camp with very little resources in conditions we westerners can only imagine (and shudder at the imagining).

Thankfully, they do have schooling which includes music (Western school trustees, take note!) and the school, for the first time, has been chosen to go to a music competition featuring schools from across the country.

What makes this story incredible is how these children, despite their situation, are positive about the future and find dance to be a release from the pain and sadness they experience every day.

The face says it all!

At the opening of the movie, Rose says (and Dominic echoes it later), “Even though we are from the war zone, we can do good things.”  Over and over all three children talk about how dance makes all the bad things melt away and I have no doubt it serves a large role in keeping them positive and forward thinking.

So, my lovelies, what pain and troubles are you going through?  As big as our stuff feels, I’m pretty sure that for the most part it doesn’t hold a candle to what these children, and the 60,000 other people who live in this one camp (not to mention the 2 million others in camps around the country) go through daily.

Take a page from War Dance and remember the power of music and dance.  When things are at their worst, find a way to dance.  Go out with friends or dance in your room.  Move your body and you will shift your mind!  There’s nothing better than dance to take you out of your head – where we spend way too much time.

Play, enjoy and see what changes happen to your mood, your motivation and your life!

You deserve the very best, so dance your way along the road.

Hugs, Christie

Be Beautiful, Be YOU!

www.thebadkitty.com

I had tea with a male friend recently.  He asked me an interesting question.  “When women are single it’s like they are in bloom.  Their energy is different.  They are full of life and excited about possibilities, doing what they want and pursuing their passions.  Then they get into a relationship, even with a decent guy, and it’s like everything changes and their bloom gets crushed. Why is that?”

Is this YOU?

My answer began with a question.  We hadn’t seen each other much for quite sometime so I asked, “has my energy changed?”  His reply was “No.”  I asked because I am in a relationship and I didn’t want to answer all expert-like if my energy had become crushed.

So, here is my theory.  Women are raised to believe that the right relationship will complete her.  Whether we are hetero, lesbian or bi we are often under the impression that the right person will make all our ills go away, make us complete and create the “happily ever after.”  Even though we see evidence to the contrary all around us, it’s still somehow in our DNA.  Just look at how many girls are completely enamored with princesses.  It’s not just the fancy dresses and shoes, it’s the promise of prince charming that makes the story compelling.

Most women are in love with love and the wedding is the ultimate expression of that love, the possibility of happily ever after.  However, reality shows the opposite.  Single women are happier than married and married men are happier than single.  So why is it that men desire singledom and women desire marriage?  Mostly it’s conditioning.

Watch any show about weddings and you’ll see the woman is the one with the huge smile on her face.  She’s planning the party, getting the most beautiful expensive dress she can manage (or not in most cases!), she’s completely into the big party where she’s about to be at the center.  The Sex and the City movie was a perfect example.  Carrie and Big wanted a small intimate wedding but then she found this incredible dress and the whole thing took on a life of it’s own to keep up with the dress.  Weddings are an entity all on their own and we forget that there’s a sometimes difficult life to be lived after the party.

Another part of the problem is that women are really good at the “just enough”.  He’s (or she’s) got some issues, but he’s pretty good and he loves me and he wants to marry me (YAY!!) so either we’ll change the things that make me crazy or they’re really not as bad as I think they are.  Sorry, they aren’t going to go away and once you’ve been with him for a few years, they’ll actually be worse!

Some say women should settle.  No wonder we’re so unhappy and crushed.  Women are the ones who are always trying to fix things, to make them better.  If we’re fighting against another person’s real self, we’re bound to fail!  I don’t want anyone to “fix” me, why would someone else want me to fix them?  Of course there will be problems and hurt feelings and disappointment.

As my friend said, even if they guy is decent, the woman can become crushed underfoot.  He may not mean to.  Sometimes it’s our own expectations that crush us.

The question then becomes, how do we be in relationship and not get crushed?

Or is this YOU?

It’s all about us and our expectations.  First, we have to be full and complete on our own without waiting for someone or something else to complete us.  The myth is that when you find the right person they will fill the holes in ourselves – the whole “other half” fable.  Truth is, if you aren’t happy and complete alone, you can never be happy with someone else.  you need to be willing to pursue what’s important to you in your life and to CONTINUE doing it no matter what your relationship status is.  The right person will love that you have your own thing going on and won’t try to stop you from pursuing your dreams.

The other piece is knowing what you want in a relationship.  Rather than settling for someone “good enough” you have to know what things are most critical for you in a partner.  Make a list of 50 things.  Narrow it down to 30 then narrow it down to 10.  Those 10 are the things you will not compromise on.  Everything else is gravy.  This isn’t settling, this is knowing what your priorities are.

For example, my “perfect” man would be over 6′2 and 38+.  However, my man is 5′10 (I’m 6′) and 34 (I’m 45).  If I had been inflexible on something as insignificant as height and age, I would have missed out on this wonderful man who has much more important qualities like being supportive, kind, a generous soul who is adventurous, loves to have fun and is living his dreams.

This is why my flower is not crushed.  Over time, I’ve figured out what’s important to me in my life and I’m unwilling to settle for anything less.  I am confident in myself and don’t need a man to make me feel good or loved.  (Don’t kid yourself ladies, there are men out there looking for “love” for the same wrong reasons.)

Keep your flower nourished, ladies, you deserve to have only the best in your life whether you’re single or in a relationship.  If you’re in a relationship and have already become crushed, start living for what is important to you and fertilize yourself back to full bloom.  You are the beauty of the world, show it off!

Love, Christie

Be Beautiful, Be YOU!

www.thebadkitty.com

Who's Sexier?

Those of you who read this blog on a regular basis will already know this – Helen Mirren is a big hero of mine.  Wonderfully talented, gentle, and HOT for any age.

Imagine my delight when I read this morning that Helen Mirren and Megan Fox (of transformers fame) are being pitted against each other in the Esquire sexiest woman contest.  They are opening it up to online votes this year and so far Helen is winning!

And what did the ever humble Brit have to say?  “Personally I think Ms. Fox is one of the smartest, coolest, and sexiest creatures in the Western Hemisphere. I am gobsmacked.”  Well, darling, in my opinon, you wipe the floor with Miss Fox.

Yes, Yes, Megan is hot.  And she knows it.  She has the virtue of youth on her side.  As Marie Stopes said, “You can take no credit for beauty at 16. (or in this case, 22)  But if you are beautiful at 60, it will be your soul’s own doing.”

I hate it when people say, “you look great….for your age.”  Yes, Helen is 63 and doesn’t look like most 63 year olds I know.  But what difference does it make how old she is?  She’s beautiful!  And the reason has as much to do with her “great rack” as Esquire says as it does to do with her obvious comfort with herself and her joy of life.  The experiences she’s had and lessons she’s learned are what make her gorgeous, even more than her fabulous (for her age *eye roll*) body.

So go now and vote for the woman you feel is sexiest.  Vote for the glory of youth or fabulous experience. There are 14 other choices if neither of these women is your first choice.

As far as I’m concerned, every woman I know deserves the sexy prize.  Whether you’re 20 or 60, as long as you’re you and living your life on your terms, you’re beautiful to me.  You all get my vote!  Go out this weekend and celebrate your own sexy self.

Hugs,

Christie

www.thebadkitty.com

Cover Image from my New Book

(This is a redo of last year’s birthday post – be sure to read the end for a special offer!)

It was my birthday on the weekend. Thank you, thank you for all your well wishes.

I have a challenge around my birthday. Like those children born right around Christmas who often have no birthday celebration, mine is the day before Valentine’s so I often get one or the other or a combination.

When I was a kid I had hearts and cupids decorations for my birthday. My mom really wanted a Valentine’s baby and just missed, so she made up for it with red decor. When I started dating, I often missed out on having both days honored. Being the day before the “big” one, it was easier to take me out for my birthday as most people would be going out the next day. One gift would do. Flowers were rarely given because they’re so ridiculously expensive.

I met a young woman recently who has the same birthday as I do. I asked her if she had heart decorations for her parties. No, she said, her mom was always very adamant that she understand – and that the men in her life understand – that the two days are totally separate and should be treated as such. Good on ya, mom.

It wasn’t until my 40’s that I found a man who got it. I not only got a birthday and Valentine’s dinner, but I received a beautiful bouquet and handmade chocolates on Valentine’s in addition to the earrings for my birthday! Thank you so much, even though we’re not together anymore, that year was very special.

This year I’m dating a new wonderful man (in 2009 I was single).  I was thinking all last week that this was the first “test” as it was our first February together.  He rose to the occasion and made no attempt to make the two days into one.  I have hit the jackpot in so many ways with J.  He’s a gem that shines brighter than any other.

After so many years of thinking that I would never find what I wanted and settling for “that’ll do/he’ll do”, I started to change my expectations. Before I knew it, I started to find what I wanted in every area of my life.  Romantically, the wonderful J.  My business which is coming together in ways I could only imagine, including getting my first book published.  In case you’re wondering, it’ll be available by the beginning of March.  Get your orders in now. 

It’s called the Law of Attraction or, more recently, The Secret. It’s all about attracting what you want through your thoughts and energy.  Once you learn how to live it and put it into action (action is critical!) it’s amazing what happens.  I’m amazed nearly every day.

The clearer I get on what I want, the faster it comes. I’m amazed almost every day at the things that are coming up. It’s an exciting journey. I’d love to hear about how things are coming together for you this year.  Share your story of how your life is becoming exactly what you’ve imagined and I will do a draw from the stories for a copy of my new book – THE BAD KITTY HANDBOOK; A JOURNEY TOWARD AUTHENTIC FEMALE SENSUALITY. (cover art featured above by Janice Blaine)

Hugs, Christie

www.thebadkitty.com

I don’t have much to say on this other than

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

For it’s Spring 2010 edition, models.com (see more shots on the model.com site) is featuring REAL women with REAL curves and are not photoshopping out the rolls or making them slimmer through computer magic.  Another check in the column of Be Beautiful, Be YOU!!!

It makes me shiver with antici – p – p -p – pation!  Celebrate with me that the fashion industry is getting the message.  And celebrate your beauty along with the beauty of these models.

Hugs!

Christie

www.thebadkitty.com

The message is spreading – pole dancing is fun, great for you and not just for strippers!  It’s becoming mainstream all over the country – and the world.

As many of you know, I teach pole dancing so I can understand the struggles of those who teach it as it’s so often misunderstood.  I still get some looks of shock and/or disapproval even though I’ve been doing it for 5 years.  Even though I don’t teach stripping and focus on the fun dance aspect of it, I still get calls to do exotic dance at stags or have people ask me if they have to take off their clothes in my parties or classes.  I’ve had friends not come to parties because they thought they were going to have to strip.  Even knowing what I’ve done for years, they still don’t quite get it.  A journalist who gave me a great write up recently used the headline: “Stripper Pole Home Party, Anyone?” Sigh.

I continue to tell people, “Pole dancing is like any other kind of dance except that your partner won’t drop you or step on your toes.”

So, imagine my delight when I saw a piece on pole dancing coming to China. In such a conservative culture, pole dancing is making a stand – or a spin.  And imagine my lack of surprise when I heard some of the naysayers giving their opinion on the activity.  As usual, those who make a stink about something probably don’t really understand it and are just having a knee jerk reaction from a lack of experience or information.

Ahh, well, we will continue to spread the word about the joys of pole dancing until we no longer have to apologize for a fun activity that makes us feel great!  If you haven’t joined the movement yet, come on along for the ride!  If you’re in the Edmonton area, join my class coming up in February.  Let’s play together!

Hugs, Christie

www.thebadkitty.com

I was at a bridal show recently.  While watching the children in the fashion show, I had a thought.  Are some of these kids shy or are they insecure about what they’re doing?

When I was growing up, I was considered shy.  So much so that I was able to hide in any crowd large or small.  When asked a question, I would give a short answer and my sister would elaborate.  I was often thought of as aloof or proud because I was standoffish.

At my core I am an introvert.  I like my own company.  I get drained when I’m around people for a long time and need to be alone to recharge.  That said, I also love being with people under certain circumstances.  I love being in front of a large group and with friends for a good chat.  I’m not a recluse by any stretch.

But are introverted, shy and insecure the same?  Not by a long shot.

Despite being an introvert, I can seem very extroverted in certain situations.  Most performers – actors, public speakers, etc – are introverts.  Get them off the stage and they can become quite uncomfortable.  I can talk like mad when I’m presenting, but put me in a room full of strangers at a party and I will feel quite uncomfortable – or insecure.  When I dance I get plenty of attention.  Unlike those who say “Dance like no one is watching”, I dance like everyone is watching as I get a kick out of any situation where I can “perform”.  But start talking to me off the dance floor and my shyness may start to come up.

So what’s my point?  Whether you are naturally introverted/shy or extroverted/outgoing in a situation means very little.  What counts is how secure you feel.  Extroverts can feel insecure and become shy, introverts can feel secure or confident in the same situation and appear outgoing.  You can also be an extrovert feeling insecure who still is outgoing and an introvert feeling secure and still appear shy.  We are very complex creatures!

At this bridal show, there was one girl who during the first show was walking with her shoulders up around her ears, her hands in front of her face.  She looked scared to death.  Many were whispering, “ahh, look she’s so shy.”  In the second show she was bouncing around, grinning from ear to ear, lifting her feet to show off her shoes.  She had developed confidence from round one and was raring to go for round two.  Is she naturally an introvert or an extrovert who was feeling shy?  Hard to know without talking to her.  Was she insecure early in the day?  Absolutely!  Was she feeling confident in the afternoon?  Clearly.

The only way to know the truth about someone is to actually talk to them and find out what drives them.  It’s easy to make assumptions which, unfortunately, are so often wrong!  If only all of those who thought I was aloof or proud would have actually talked to me when I was younger, they would have learned so much.  There are a number of us out there after all – about 25-35% by most estimates.

For more info on introversion, check out the official site.   There are some pretty cool tidbits including quotes.  The list of famous introverts might surprise you!

Now, whether you are an introvert or extrovert, feeling insecure is never fun.  The cool part is, it may eventually go away with experience.  The little girl in the fashion show is a perfect example.  So why not jump in when something makes you feel uncomfortable.  Just go for it and eventually you won’t even remember that insecure feeling – whether it makes you appear shy or not.

Extrovert or introvert, shy or outgoing, the key is, as always, Be Beautiful, Be YOU!!!!

Hugs, Christie

www.thebadkitty.com