Archive for the ‘judgement’ Category

Over the past month Andrea Nemerson, who writes a syndicated sex column, has been talking a lot about the terms women endure, rage at, hate and sometimes love and why.  These terms are Gold-digger, Cougar and MILF.

In case you’re unaware, Gold-digger refers to a younger woman who snags an older man (think Catherine Zeta Jones and Micheal Douglas).  Older women hate these “girls” because they are stealing the men in their age bracket which are rare enough to start with, thank you very much!  Or at least that’s what they say.

Cougar is the older woman who snags a younger man (think Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher). Younger women think that the “old bats” are stealing their eligible men.

A MILF is the acronym for Mother I’d Like to F*** (Angelina Jolie comes to mind).  Does this mean that becoming a mother makes you unattractive?  If by some miracle you’re still attractive after babies and spit up, you get this label.  No wonder it gets so many mommy backs up.In general, many people look at these terms as degrading and another sign of society trying to minimize the sexual power of women.

This may be true in some cases, and in others I think people are just too damn sensitive.  People like to generalize, to stereotype, to categorize.  It makes our lives easier in some ways.  If we can label something it makes it easier to deal with.  It happens to everyone.  Jock, Nerd, Emo, Goth, Geek, Silver Fox, Redneck, Squint, Geezer, Four Eyes, Hunk, Dumb Blonde, Toothpick, BBW and so, so, so many more!

We all do it, come on admit it.  We meet someone and automatically put them in a category.  Often we like to pretend that we’re more enlightened or above it, but truth is we are judgment machines!  It’s part of our nature.  We judge a room’s temperature.  We judge whether or not we like food that is given to us.  We judge whether or not a piece of clothing looks good on us.  We judge whether or not we want to hang out with someone or pursue a romatic relationship.

It isn’t right or wrong, it just is.  It’s part of our survival mechanism.  If we didn’t judge temperature we could freeze.  If we didn’t judge food we could eat something that was dangerous.  What’s unfortunate is what we then do with those judgements.  If we discrimiate or treat someone as less because of our impression of them, that is wrong.

I could be considered by many to be a Cougar.  I am dating a man 15 years younger than me.  Technically I’m not a Cougar as I didn’t seek him out or seduce him.  We met and we connected on several levels.  We got to know each other and we are very fond of each other as who we are without regards to age.  He’s more mature, accomplished and clear than most 40 year olds I’ve met.

Due to our age difference, many people in just looking at us will label me a Cougar.  Big deal.  I take it as a compliment that this young, mature, accomplished man finds me interesting, sexy and wants to spend time with me.  If I get derided with a sneer by some, they probably just wish they could find the same!

So, no matter what others label you, remember two things:

1. It’s more about them than it is about you.

2. Have a sense of humor about it, it’s only words.

Be Beautiful, Be YOU – no matter what others may call it.

Hugs!  Christie

www.thebadkitty.com

Two things have happened in the last week that clearly illustrate how easy it is to prejudge people.

The first is Susan Boyle. She became an overnight sensation after appearing on “Britain’s Got Talent”. If you haven’t seen her yet, she has become so popular that all you have to do is enter “Susan” in Google and she will turn up in the top 5! This week over a 2 hour period, she was tweeted over 700 times. In moments Susan went from a frumpy nobody to a celebrity.

She’s a demonstration of how we judge on looks. Due to her appearance and nonchalant attitude, she was judged to be untalented. When she opened her mouth to sing, all judgments turned around in a heartbeat. That woman can SING! Her lack of glamour held her back until she managed to demonstrate to the world the beauty hidden behind bushy eyebrows.

I’ve always been a big fan of stories like “The Ugly Duckling”, “Cyrano DeBergerac” and “The Elephant Man” about immense beauty hidden by an ugly exterior. We all have the beauty, we just need to be willing to see past the package.

I also heard an interview with Tori Spelling this week. I’ve had the impression of her being a spoiled Hollywood, not too bright, brat. She is actually intelligent, grounded and delightful.

The opposite of Susan Boyle in almost every way, Tori’s prejudgment lies in the fact that she is TOO well known. When we see celebrities, we think we know who they are because of what we see on a screen or read in a magazine without really taking the time to see them for who they are.

It’s so easy to make generalizations based on minimal information. This illustrates the need to be willing to see the whole picture rather than filling in the holes on our own.

We are all prone to making these judgments. It’s human, so don’t beat yourself up over it. However, please be aware of the tendency and be willing to get more complete information about people. It’s worth it to see people for their full selves.

It’s only fair to see the beauty in others, as we have so much beauty to share ourselves that we want others to see.

Live your life BE BEAUTFUL, BE YOU and remember that everyone else is the same!

www.thebadkitty.com