Archive for the ‘moving forward’ Category

This is a reprint of an article I wrote that appears in Womanition magazine.  Enjoy!

Ladies, when’s the last time you thought of yourself before your kids, your husband, your work? When someone asks you about yourself, do you define yourself by your family and work? Have you forgetten your dreams? Do you rush through your day barely registering each moment?

Before you start justifying or beating yourself up, let me assure you, you are not alone! You, like most modern women, are suffering from the Martyr Complex.

Women are caregivers. Men do the fighting, we do the healing. This is how we’re naturally built.  The problem comes when our caregiving nature overtakes everything else.

The martyr is the woman who has forgotten that she is important. The martyr doesn’t recognize that in order to give she has to take care of herself. The martyr is running on empty. The martyr is slowly killing herself on the inside.

Signs of the Martyr Complex:

1.Thinking of everyone else first. How often have you taken care of everyone else all day and barely leave enough time and energy to wash your face before you crawl into bed? How many times have you given up what you really want to do in a day so someone else will be happy?

2. Forgetting your dreams. If someone asked you “what’s your passion or your dream,” would you know how to answer? Once I did a workshop with a number of women. I asked them to introduce themselves and tell the group a big dream they have. Some couldn’t think of one, others only thought of things like, “for my children to be happy.” This is not a bad dream. My question is what about YOU! What do YOU want more than anything completely selfishly for yourself?

3. Lack of presence. Do you run around so much that your feet barely touch the ground? When you’re driving are you on the phone, doing your hair and rummaging in your purse? You may have seen the kleenex commercial where the woman is walking around going through her day as a voice over says “touch door knob, touch toothbrush, touch, touch, touch.” She reaches for a tissue and stops, smiles, takes the box and the voice says “feel.” That is being present, taking the time to notice and be aware in each moment.

How do you fight the Martyr Complex? With Authentic Sensuality. Sensuality is your senses, how you interact with the world. Authenticity is using your Sensuality in the world in a way that is true to who you are. Authentic Sensuality is simply expressing your true self in every situation.

When I was younger,I was constantly adjusting myself to what I thought was acceptable in each situation. I tried to be strong because that’s how my mom described me which led to me hiding my emotions. I tried to be the good little church girl and hid my wild side. I tried to be a good student and not get in trouble. I became introverted because I was less likely to make a faux pas if I just kept my mouth shut! I had few friends. I was invisible.

Now I know who I am, what is important to me. I’m true to myself no matter what. I have many friends. I receive amazing opportunities. No one would call me invisible! I’m clear on what I want from life. I have more time and energy for others because I look after myself.

Authentic Sensuality makes life easy. Getting there takes time and effort.

How to rediscover your Authentic Sensuality:

1. Write down 20 selfish goals. Things just for you! Go back to your youth to remember the things that made you excited. Pick one you can do right away and do it. Choose another long term one to work toward over the next few weeks or months

2. Spend a day without a cell phone, iPod or other device. Take a walk, go out for dinner – really enjoy every moment without distraction.

3. Do something for you. Go shopping with friends and try on something expensive or outrageous. Read a book. Go for a pedicure. Take me time.

4. Dance! Nothing gets you in touch with yourself faster than dancing. Do it alone tor go out with friends. Take a class. Move your beautiful body!

5. Accept a compliment. We get compliments all the time and toss them off. Accept the gift. Look the giver in the eye and say thank you. Notice how you walk taller and smile.

6. Look in the mirror. Ignore your negative judgements. Notice how beautiful your eyes are, your fabulous smile, your beautiful curves. Appreciate your body for all it does and thank it.

The key to Authentic Sensuality is remembering that you are beautiful – inside and out – just as you are. Have you ever met someone to whom you were immediately drawn? That’s because they were Authentic. No matter what you look like, when you are Authentic, you are incredible!

My challenge for you is to see your beauty. Express your Authenticity. Enjoy your Sensuality. Live your true self, remember your dreams, love yourself first! When you are in this space, it’s so much easier to deal with life’s craziness. You will be happier and so will those you touch. Give yourself, and those around you, the gift of you.

Remember this mantra – BE BEAUTIFUL, BE YOU!

To understand more about YOUR true Sensuality and how to express it, contact The Bad Kitty about Sensuality Coaching!

I heard a story recently that was a reminder of how what others do to us can harm us and how important it is to talk about what happened.  And that from pain comes hope, and more.

This story dates back to WWII.  When it was evident that the Germans were going to lose the war, they began to take out their frustration and fear on the women of the countries they occupied.  The women did everything they could to protect themselves including staying in at night, covering themselves in filth and trying to appear to be old and decrepit rather than young and desirable.

This woman’s story is told to her daughter who was a result of these rapes.  She is very close to her daughter and the love between them is evident.  What she went through was unbelievable to most of us.  The fact that she lived and suffered with it mostly in secret for 60 years, even more heartbreaking.  The fact that from this tragedy she received a beautiful gift in the life of her daughter is a beautiful ray of hope.

You can hear her story on the CBC podcast of The Current under the story Rape of Berlin – Sigrun’s Story .  You will need to scroll down the page partway to get to this story.  It is the second story on the page.

Be prepared with tissues and be willing to see the hope, life and joy that eventually revealed itself as her life continued.  It’s a great reminder of how we all go through our own personal struggles, tragedies and pain and that there is always the chance for something unexpected on the other side.

Love to you all.

www.thebadkitty.com

Ladies, I think we’re all a little crazy. I know I am anyway.

Crazy about shoes. Crazy about men. Crazy about pink and purple. Crazy about my 3 year old niece. Crazy about Pad Thai. Crazy about great sex. Crazy about seeing women come out of their shells. Crazy about learning. Crazy about a great hug. Crazy about beautiful things – art, furniture, music. Crazy about dancing. Crazy about theatre. Crazy about a full body laugh. Crazy about my kitties. Crazy about cherries. Crazy about river rafting. Crazy about growth – literal and figurative. Crazy about life!

What are you crazy about? What makes you tick? What makes your skin tingle – not crawl, tingle! It’s easy to get caught up in the every day of life and forget about those things that you love. Laundry, meals, cleaning, driving the kids to and fro, work, shoveling snow (thank you for spring!!), bills…. it goes on and on.

It’s spring. Here in good old cold 6 months of the year Edmonton, the snow is going fast. Only 2 weeks ago we had a spring snow storm and now I can see most of my lawn. The soccer players are already checking to see how soon the fields will be dry enough to play. People are walking around with open jackets and getting out the motorcycles. Talk of getting away from the cold is being postponed for another few months and summer getaways and camping trips are on the mind. Spring skiing is making the board monkeys grin.

Spring is the time to clean up, to look forward, to blossom. What better time to contemplate what really makes you crazy. Take a pen and paper out on the deck in the sun and reflect. What are the things that get you excited, that make you smile, that make you want to jump out of bed in the morning.

Notice how just writing these things down makes you feel lighter. Now imagine how you’ll feel actually DOING some of them! Make a commitment to do at least one thing on your list every week. They don’t have to be big things. Some of the things on my list above can be accomplished in moments. Just imagine how different life would be if you did those little things more often!

You deserve to enjoy your life. Make a little effort and eventually it’ll become a habit. Enjoying the things that you’re crazy about – what a way to live!

Recognizing those things you love will help you BE BEAUTIFUL, BE YOU. When we enjoy life, everything changes from how we look to our attitudes.

Ladies, be crazy with me! Just let it out, it’s a blast! Let’s play in the spring puddles. Say it with me: WOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

www.thebadkitty.com