Archive for the ‘sensuality’ Category

Love in the Summer, but what about the Winter?

Once again, Andrea Nemerson has written something that’s caught my attention.  She wrote about winter sex drive, and why some lack libido when the days shorten and get colder.  Her conclusion was that there is a neuropeptide amusingly called “kisspeptin” that regulates the release of libido enhancing hormones (in hamsters at least) which could be responsible for a lower libido in winter.

There may be something to that.  With the lack of sun and activity, our bodies slow down and go into a modified hibernation mode.  Many develop Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and need to take anti-depressants just to get through the winter season.  Others find their creativity and motivation levels decrease.  Still others actually LOVE this cold season and their activity levels, as well as their libido, go up.  There is an increase in children born in late summer/fall as a result of all those people coupling in the winter whether to keep warm, to stave off boredom or as a result of being ridiculously horny!

Whether your kisspeptins or other hormone levels are low in winter or not, there are plenty of ways to get out of the doldrums.

My Man in Marmot

My man is a great example.  He is one of the lovers of the winter season.  He’s a powder junkie.  He absolutely loves going down a mountain on his snowboard getting faceshots from the fresh pow.  I call myself a Powder Widow as he’s gone most weekends hitting the slopes hard.  The benefit is that he’s horny as hell when he gets back!  Being in the fresh air does incredible things for his libido.

Try these tips when you’re feeling low in the winter:

1. Get outside! The daylight hours may be short, but a walk, skate, ski, snowball fight, snow angel or even shovel in the crisp air will invigorate you.

2. Do infrared.  Infrared light is what makes things grow.  Spending time in an infrared sauna will help increase your energy levels as well as many other benefits that a tanning bed can’t give you – and without the cancer risk!  Plus, you get to be naked and sweat (I nap, too) for half an hour.  Nice!

3. Set goals for yourself.  Make long term and short term goals.  The short term will give you something to strive for daily.  The long term will give you something to look forward to.  Be sure to break the long term into smaller chunks.

4. Have sex! Even if you don’t really feel like it, you might be surprised what can “come up” if you do it anyway.  Make everything you do about foreplay. Conversation – look deep into each other’s eyes.  Touch – pat your partner’s butt when you pass them, hold hands, stroke the face, etc.  Smell – wear your best fragrance.  Visual – light candles, set a beautiful table.  Food – feed each other with sexy food like strawberries, oysters, pomegranate, anything with a yummy sauce.  There are so many ways to make the everyday into foreplay!

All of these will help you tap into your sensual side which will help you have more motivation, even if the sun goes down before dinner time.

Have a great winter – and have plenty of sex – you may as well make use of all the darkness!

Hugs, Christie

Be Beautiful, Be YOU

www.thebadkitty.com

This is a reprint of an article I wrote that appears in Womanition magazine.  Enjoy!

Ladies, when’s the last time you thought of yourself before your kids, your husband, your work? When someone asks you about yourself, do you define yourself by your family and work? Have you forgetten your dreams? Do you rush through your day barely registering each moment?

Before you start justifying or beating yourself up, let me assure you, you are not alone! You, like most modern women, are suffering from the Martyr Complex.

Women are caregivers. Men do the fighting, we do the healing. This is how we’re naturally built.  The problem comes when our caregiving nature overtakes everything else.

The martyr is the woman who has forgotten that she is important. The martyr doesn’t recognize that in order to give she has to take care of herself. The martyr is running on empty. The martyr is slowly killing herself on the inside.

Signs of the Martyr Complex:

1.Thinking of everyone else first. How often have you taken care of everyone else all day and barely leave enough time and energy to wash your face before you crawl into bed? How many times have you given up what you really want to do in a day so someone else will be happy?

2. Forgetting your dreams. If someone asked you “what’s your passion or your dream,” would you know how to answer? Once I did a workshop with a number of women. I asked them to introduce themselves and tell the group a big dream they have. Some couldn’t think of one, others only thought of things like, “for my children to be happy.” This is not a bad dream. My question is what about YOU! What do YOU want more than anything completely selfishly for yourself?

3. Lack of presence. Do you run around so much that your feet barely touch the ground? When you’re driving are you on the phone, doing your hair and rummaging in your purse? You may have seen the kleenex commercial where the woman is walking around going through her day as a voice over says “touch door knob, touch toothbrush, touch, touch, touch.” She reaches for a tissue and stops, smiles, takes the box and the voice says “feel.” That is being present, taking the time to notice and be aware in each moment.

How do you fight the Martyr Complex? With Authentic Sensuality. Sensuality is your senses, how you interact with the world. Authenticity is using your Sensuality in the world in a way that is true to who you are. Authentic Sensuality is simply expressing your true self in every situation.

When I was younger,I was constantly adjusting myself to what I thought was acceptable in each situation. I tried to be strong because that’s how my mom described me which led to me hiding my emotions. I tried to be the good little church girl and hid my wild side. I tried to be a good student and not get in trouble. I became introverted because I was less likely to make a faux pas if I just kept my mouth shut! I had few friends. I was invisible.

Now I know who I am, what is important to me. I’m true to myself no matter what. I have many friends. I receive amazing opportunities. No one would call me invisible! I’m clear on what I want from life. I have more time and energy for others because I look after myself.

Authentic Sensuality makes life easy. Getting there takes time and effort.

How to rediscover your Authentic Sensuality:

1. Write down 20 selfish goals. Things just for you! Go back to your youth to remember the things that made you excited. Pick one you can do right away and do it. Choose another long term one to work toward over the next few weeks or months

2. Spend a day without a cell phone, iPod or other device. Take a walk, go out for dinner – really enjoy every moment without distraction.

3. Do something for you. Go shopping with friends and try on something expensive or outrageous. Read a book. Go for a pedicure. Take me time.

4. Dance! Nothing gets you in touch with yourself faster than dancing. Do it alone tor go out with friends. Take a class. Move your beautiful body!

5. Accept a compliment. We get compliments all the time and toss them off. Accept the gift. Look the giver in the eye and say thank you. Notice how you walk taller and smile.

6. Look in the mirror. Ignore your negative judgements. Notice how beautiful your eyes are, your fabulous smile, your beautiful curves. Appreciate your body for all it does and thank it.

The key to Authentic Sensuality is remembering that you are beautiful – inside and out – just as you are. Have you ever met someone to whom you were immediately drawn? That’s because they were Authentic. No matter what you look like, when you are Authentic, you are incredible!

My challenge for you is to see your beauty. Express your Authenticity. Enjoy your Sensuality. Live your true self, remember your dreams, love yourself first! When you are in this space, it’s so much easier to deal with life’s craziness. You will be happier and so will those you touch. Give yourself, and those around you, the gift of you.

Remember this mantra – BE BEAUTIFUL, BE YOU!

To understand more about YOUR true Sensuality and how to express it, contact The Bad Kitty about Sensuality Coaching!

It’s hard for we women to gain some perspective on what we really look like.  We usually see something that isn’t really there when we look in the mirror.

Here’s a little activity for you to do.

You deserve this.

Go to the mirror. Full length preferred. Naked is best. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Spend the 5 minutes alone with yourself in the mirror. Do nothing else. No make up application. No brushing your teeth. If the phone rings and you answer it, start over. Do 5 UNINTERRUPTED minutes.

Look at yourself.  Look from head to toe.  Make observations.  See what’s REALLY there.  Notice and be thankful for your body and all the hard work it does for you.  Think about the successes you’ve had and the struggles you’ve overcome.  Celebrate the beauty you see in the mirror.  Recognize how undeniably gorgeous you are just as you are.

At the end of the 5 minutes, look yourself in the eye and say, “You are incredible. You deserve everything you want. You deserve to be cared for. You deserve the very best. You are beautiful. I love you!”

Do you think this is hard?  Not sure you can see yourself as you are without layering on all kinds of judgements?  How about coming out to THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE KITTY one day Seminar on Sunday November 15?

Do you want to: connect with other women,connect with yourself on a deeper level, know your own power, own your beauty and your body, learn sensual dance, including pole dancing – for youself and – WOW – spend a full day just on you

This one day workshop will give you all this and more.  You will have the time of your life with a group of like minded women while learning to dance and access your Senuality.   Imagine living your dreams, loving your body and knowing how incredible you truly are.  You will leave walking taller, swinging your hips, ready to take on the world!

Click here for more details.

Go into the world my kitties. Go and spread the word about how wonderful every woman you meet is. Tell others about their beauty because chances are they don’t see it. Share your joy, your passion, yourself with everyone. Be brave.

I simply can’t say it enough – BE BEAUTIFUL, BE YOU! You are all my heroes.

www.thebadkitty.com

I hope others will be as excited as I am! I have finished the first draft of my book. It’s been a ride. The last bit has been especially hard. I realized a week or so ago that I was avoiding finishing because of all the work I’ll have to do now that it’s “done”. The editing, the redrafting, the finding of editors, publishers, etc. The fighting with others who may “know better” to keep true to my vision. And it’s going to be a great discovery process so that when I do book #2 about the Sensual personalities, it’ll be that much easier!

Here is a piece of the final chapter for you to enjoy. Watch out for THE BAD KITTY HANDBOOK coming to a store near you!

Hugs to all you beautiful kitties out there. Thank you for your support. Love you all!

Living your Authentic Sensuality is easy – and not so easy:
- Be gentle with yourself. Life can get hard. You will experience setbacks. Know that it’s all part of the process.
- Celebrate your success.
- Be easy on yourself in your struggles.
- Recognize the stories you tell yourself. Are they serving you or destroying you?
- Speak up for yourself.
- Be present at all times.
- Act in spite of fear.
- Look to your Sensual heroes. Use chapter 3 for examples.
- Remember what makes you happy, what drives you and live by it.
- Share your passion with the world.
- Do what satisfies you first.
- Keep your tank full!
- Take plenty of me time.
- Be aware of your patterns and filters. Use the ones that serve you, discard the ones that don’t.
- Above all, love yourself.

You are so amazing. As you discover more and more about yourself as you go along your journey, you will realize just how amazing you are.

You are lovable.

You are worthy.

You are YOU!

Thank you for being you. Your light shines brightly in the world. Keep it out there for all to see. BE BEAUTIFUL, my dear, BE YOU.

www.thebadkitty.com

Another excerpt from my almost finished book:

Because Sensuality and Sexuality are so closely related, one of the first parts we women shut down when we go into the overwhelm, martyr state is our Sexuality. It leads to a cascade reaction of shutting everything else down as well. When you’re not fully present and feeling in one area, it affects all.

This is a big subject and could be a book in itself. Let’s do our best to keep it simple. Sex is a super-charged subject in our society. Mention homosexuality, pre-marital sex, extra-marital sex, fetishes, prostitution or anything else to do with the larger subject of sex, and you’re bound to get a lively reaction. People will be immediately engaged and wanting to express opinions, others will shut down and want to change the subject. No matter what, there will be a reaction.

In reality, it’s like the word fuck – it’s not inherently a good or bad thing, it’s simply there and it’s what we create around it that makes it good or bad in our minds. It’s surrounded by standards. Whether you’re brought up in a religious, secular or hippie home there are expectations and standards communicated verbally and by example all around. We take on these standards naturally and begin to believe they are right without testing them.

Then, we start to explore our sexuality, we start to get into relationships and discover that not everyone has the same feelings and standards around sex. We may also discover that what we’ve learned is becoming a little confusing because it doesn’t match with reality. And then add some overwhelm and disenchantment with the way our lives are going and it’s no wonder that we close down or give little attention to our sexual side.

It took a long time for me to really grasp my sexuality, which meant I had to tap into my sensuality first. Now, my sexuality is an integral and integrated part of me. I’m clear on what I need – and what I don’t, like marriage. I’m clear on what I like. I’m more willing to try new things. I’m no longer embarrassed by being sexual. I’m comfortable in my body and although it’s far from perfect, I love being naked. I enjoy multiple partners. I’ve discovered that I’m bi and love women almost as much as men. I like groups, BDSM and anal. All of these things I wouldn’t have even considered had I stayed stuck in the standards of others. And oh how much pleasure I would have missed!

Without knowing your full expression through Authentic Sensuality, you may be putting on a false Sexuality. My authentic sexuality is different than yours. Like all other areas of your life, you need to be clear on who you are, what you want and communicate it effectively in order to live authentically.

When I see people come out to clubs and sit in a corner until they’ve had a few to become “comfortable” with flirting and dirty dancing I know that that is not their authenticity. It may be part of them, but they have not come to a place that they can express it honestly yet. They still feel they need a little extra courage. Until you can express your desires in all areas of your life, especially sexually, straight and unencumbered by manufactured confidence, you aren’t Authentic.

There are so many aspects to Sexuality. Have fun with it. Explore, be in the moment. Like everything else in your life, it’s simply a part of your full expression. Until you allow it to be real for you you cannot be fully Authentic in your Sensuality.

Remember, gorgeous kitties – Be Beautiful, Be YOU!

www.thebadkitty.com

First let me express some frustration with You Tube – or perhaps my knowledge of it. I wanted to find a specific ad to give you a link and I just can’t find it! After 1/2 an hour of looking it still eludes me. I found spoofs, but not the actual ad. Is that common or is it just me?

So a description will have to suffice: recently a tissue ad came out (does the fact that I can’t remember the brand hurt my search??) featuring a woman going through life going “Touch”, “Touch” everytime her hand reaches for something. She, like most of us, is rushing through her life barely registering what she’s coming into contact with. Then she comes to the tissue box. She reaches and the word changes to “FEEL”. In that moment she takes a moment to stop and actually experience what she’s holding.

That is Sensuality. Taking the time to stop for a moment and actually notice with what and whom you are interacting. We get our lives so full that we forget to be present.

I was at a tea shop the other day and a woman was sitting alone. My companion struck up a conversation with her. It turned out she had just moved to town. She was lonely and enjoying her apple carmel pie all alone. She was so excited to chat and ask questions about the city and to get to know new people. In that moment, we were all in the FEEL state. We were completely present and open to whatever may come – no agenda, no rush, just what was there in that slice of time.

Living an Authentically Sensual life means expressing your truth in every moment. Being present and aware at all times. It’s about FEELING.

What are you going to take the time to fully experience today?

www.thebadkitty.com