In my book, The Bad Kitty Handbook – A Journey Toward Authentic Female Sensuality, I give a list of the changes that will happen in your life when you truly own your Bad Kitty. Over the next few weeks, we’ll go over some of these in detail.
This week is “A Bad Kitty is someone who – knows that by being true to herself, she has more to give the others in her life.”
How many times have you heard a woman say something like:
“I haven’t gotten anything new for myself in years, I always buy stuff for my kids first.”
“I never get to do what I want for dinner.”
“I used to want to change the world, but now I’m too busy.”
“I haven’t had a shower in days.”
“I never get enough sleep.”
“Sex? What’s that? I don’t have the time.”
“Oh, I’m just too tired to go out and do anything fun on the weekend.”
These are women who’ve forgotten to take care of themselves.
Imagine an old fashioned wash basin. There is a trickle of water entering the pitcher. The pitcher is you. The water is your sensuality – those moments that you take to treat yourself well, be present, and love what you’re doing – things that give you juice, passion and energy. As the pitcher fills, you feel good so you start to give to others; some cleaning for mom, driving the kids around, volunteering at church, making lunches and so on. Before you realize it the pitcher is empty and you’re feeling resentful, bitchy and empty.
The secret is to keep your pitcher full. You may notice that there’s a basin under the pitcher. That’s for your overflow. Once your pitcher is full, your basin will start to fill. THAT’S where you serve others from. When you keep your love of life, your sensuality, your needs met then you serve with joy and energy.
In addition you will be better at setting boundaries and saying NO. Boundaries are very valuable in keeping yourself full.
Here are some questions to ask yourself before deciding to take on a request or not:
- Is this something I want to do?
- Do I have the time right now?
- Is this something I’m willing to do?
- Can this person do it themselves or would it serve them more if I didn’t help?
If the answer to any of the first 3 is no and to last one is yes, then it’s time for you to say NO. Do it strongly without excuses or sorrys. Simply say, No, that doesn’t work for me. Leaving it at that will be a challenge and it will get easier with practice.
This simple act will honour you, your time and what’s important to you. Once you master this, everything else will come much more easily.
Women are natural nurturers. We want to help. The step that’s missing for most of us is honoring ourselves first so we can help with more love, more willingness and no regret. Start now by being true to yourself and see how much better you serve others as a result. It’s worth it – and so are you!
Here’s to your loving you first *clink*!
Hugs, Christie