Last time we talked about expressing your emotions. The problem is, sometimes it’s hard to get them out – once you know what you’re actually feeling. Today let’s talk about five ways to express your emotions safely and effectively.
5 ways to express your emotions:
1. Before doing anything, know what you’re ACTUALLY feeling. In our society we get so well trained to suppress our feelings that it becomes hard to even know what’s going on. We can put things into safe categories like annoyed or tired when we might actually be supremely pissed off or depressed. It will take practice and determination to truly identify an emotion, depending on how long it’s been since you’ve been willing to do so. Start with being quiet. Allow yourself to think about what has happened. Allow yourself to go into the feeling around what has happened. As things bubble up, fight the urge to push it away. For some, it may help to write. As things come up, write it out. Keep going until you’ve exhausted any feelings. It will become clear what is really happening. What you thought was frustration may turn to anger or sadness. What you thought was fear may reveal itself to be a deep unfulfilled need. Keep going deeper to discover the truth.
2. Controlled Tantrums. One of the emotions we tend to suppress most is anger. We are afraid of hurting others. We are afraid of hurting ourselves or our property. We don’t want to look like a crazy person. The problem is, unexpressed anger becomes a festering sore and can cause illness of mind and body. It must be released! A controlled tantrum is a great way to do that. Kids get their anger out because they kick and scream and cry and then it’s gone. Society teaches us not to do those things so as adults our anger gets stuck. What kind of anger expression works for you? Are you physical? Are you vocal? Depending on your style, a controlled tantrum will work for you. For the physical – pound a pillow or stamp your feet. Like to throw things? Create a crash box and use it in a safe space. In a box or strong bag (like a pillow case) put in items that make noise, go out to the garage or into the basement and throw it around until the energy dissipates. If you’re vocal, scream into a pillow or go somewhere in the woods. The purpose is to release the energy so you can look more objectively at the situation and create solutions. When you hold it in, nothing can be solved in a healthy way.
3. Three Corner. This is a theatre game that works like a charm for getting emotions out. People have used it with their spouse, their kids, a group of friends.
- Create a triangle with each point of the triangle representing a different emotion. Example: love, anger, sadness.
- One person goes into each corner. Set a timer for about 2 minutes. The person expresses that emotion at 100% for that time, directing it outward to the others.
- When the timer goes off, you RUN to the next corner – clockwise. Take a short moment to breathe and be sure you are present and run the timer again.
- Do this a third time.
The amazing thing about this “game” is that whether you were actually feeling the emotion in the moment or not, it will bring up bottled up feelings and help release them. It’s also a great way to get things off your chest because everyone is going at the same time so you don’t have to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings because they can’t actually hear you. It is amazing how well this works to get things out and is a great representation of how we don’t have to stay stuck in any emotion. You may also find that the expression of love, for example, can look a lot like anger. We are very complex creatures!
4. Write it out. Whether it’s a list of things that have made you angry, a letter expressing love, a stream of fear consciousness, a story of sadness, a drawing of loneliness – get your feelings our through your hands. Putting things on paper can give you great clarity and great release. Decide from there whether it needs to be shared or destroyed. Whatever you do in the end, be sure to start with the intention of being honest with yourself and letting things go.
5. Talk. Often the hardest thing to do is to talk about how we feel. Especially with the person involved in the feeling. Here are some things that may help.
- Set aside a time. Often we want to dump on someone when we are in the middle of a feeling. As you may have noticed, this doesn’t usually work very well. Ask for a time to talk – sooner rather than later. In the time before the talk, get clear on what you feel and what you need to say.
- Stay away from accusation and blame. This will only bring up emotions in the other person and you’ll be back where you started.
- Talk about how you feel and take responsibility for your own feelings. No one can “make” you angry. Something triggered the anger and you chose to feel it. Share the trigger and be clear that it’s your issue. Ask for help to stay away from or overcome the trigger.
- Allow the other person to have their thoughts and feelings as well. This may bring up more triggers. Keep talking until they are cleared on both sides.
- Know that mistakes will happen, that emotions will return and that it’s totally normal and human.
If, for whatever reason, you are unable to talk to the person involved in the emotions, be sure to find a course or another person to talk to to help you get the emotions revealed and dealt with. The time of stuffing is over!
Our emotions are n integral part of who we are. Let them be what they are and see what amazing changes happen in your life. Feel lighter, feel healthier, have better relationships. Isn’t that worth a little effort?
Hugs, Christie Mawer – The Bad Kitty
Christie@TheBadKitty.com